Sylar (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
heroslayer) wrote2008-08-25 06:05 pm
heroslayer) wrote2008-08-25 06:05 pm
Entry tags:
ooc: from everywhere, by now
Comment here to find out what Sylar really thinks of your character. The truth, I mean, not just what he'd tell you, and not just what he thinks he thinks.
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no subject
Corruptionverse.
What's happening to Mohinder is everything he's ever wanted. He's just as crazy as he is. He's clearly unafraid of acting on the tension that he's felt between them since they first met. He looks at Sylar like he's a god. He's still retained his intelligence, his sharpness. He's ruthless. It's wonderful and he should be happy, but at the same time.
He's been a victim of madness, yes, and in his opinion it's made him stronger, but he's never seen someone go through it. He's never been there to witness insanity from the outside. Everyone he's ever met, has been unchangeably good, no hints of ever breaking or changing their point of view. So, he's so afraid that Mohinder might end up broken beyond repair. That he'll just keep spiraling downwards until there's nothing left of the man that fascinated him so much. That, in the end, their dynamic will be shattered, that they won't be Sylar and Mohinder anymore. That they'll be Sylar and ... who the hell are you again? And he doesn't know how to be, "Dude. Cut the crazy for a bit," or if he even should, or if it would help. It's why he's had a few, idle thoughts about just killing Mohinder - because that would ensure that Mohinder remains as he remembers him, albeit just out of reach, forever.
Even beyond that, though, he knows what addiction to power is like, and while Mohinder is just getting his feet wet at the moment, he knows. He knows it's not something you can quiet, that lust for power. That it's like a snowball. You get a taste for it, and you want more and more until you're gorging yourself. And he's kind of afraid that Mohinder will get to the point where the want for more is greater than the want to prove himself to him, and they'll end up at odds again. Only it'll be honest WE FITE NAO rather than the sort of cat and mouse game they've always enjoyed in the past, and he really doesn't want to kill the guy. As much as he's thought about it.
It's funny, though. He can't say why he doesn't really want to hurt or lose Mohinder, just yet. He recognizes that it's something more real than not wanting to see his toys broken, particularly one so new, but ... well. It's not so much love yet as obsession. But every time Suresh hurts someone, even if there's that spark of fear of losing him to his insanity, it brings him closer to love. Closer to thinking of them as true equals. Closer to not!Spike/Dru.
ASverse.
But it's funny. It doesn't burn or eat at him, drive him further into insanity or make him want to kill him, as it would have if they were having this affair without the world ending. Oh, sure, it scares the hell out of him to think he's in love, but it's solid and calming rather than burning blindly. Their love doesn't have to scream louder than the hunger, because his lust to kill is easier to silence on his own now, so it's more ... something familiar. Like slipping into a warm bath. Or settling in front of a fireplace in the middle of winter. It's a point of comfort.
For as calming as Mohinder is for him, though, there's a little sour part in his heart that won't let Mohinder go now because he's his. If he has to kidnap the guy to keep him? Fine. If he has to murder everyone else? He'd do that, too. If he had to kill Mohinder, just to preserve his memory, to keep what he considers his? He'd feel sorry for doing it, in the same way Chandra is one of the two people he's ever felt guilty for killing, but he'd do it. Anything not to have to lose him, because he's unsure as to what he'd do if he did.
That dumbfounds him a little, I think. Here's a man with a plan, who's spent his entire life alone. Who's had people walk in and out of his life, and he didn't really care, and then here's Suresh. He doesn't understand why he panicks when he thinks of losing him. He should just be able to bounce back, if and when that happens. But even thinking about it to gauge his reaction, so I can be honest here? He's like, "Ohgodohgodohgod." It's like that fic I wrote, as companion to yours. Suresh goes and that's it. He's hinging everything on him, and all because the man can look past the killer without judging. Without insisting he needs to be saved. All because the man can give him a second chance.
And I think that's part of why he won't tell him he loves him. Yes, it's there, but he's so afraid that if he says something, Mohinder will laugh in his face, and be like, "Yeah. You were the guy that killed my father. You think this is anything other than me wanting someone to shag? You fail." Even if Mohinder were to say it first, the words would catch in his throat, because there's always that chance. There's always the fear that if he does, Mohinder will turn around and tell him that he said it just to make him say it back, so he could have a laugh. Or that Mohinder won't believe he's being sincere. Or any number of things, really. And he can't have that. He can't be denied like that again, because he went crazy the first time, and he has no where else to go, if it happens again.
So he tries to let him know in other ways. Showing him parts of himself he wouldn't dare dust off for anyone else. The roughness with him, when they go at it, so that Mohinder knows that he belongs to him. Letting Mohinder have those dominant moments, to show that he trusts him, and letting him be just as rough back, so Mohinder can mark his territory in return. Words have never been his strong point, so he opts for physicality. That's a language he speaks.
In other news. Sylar also thinks Suresh is brilliant. Man has a great mind, and he adores that. Mohinder is his equal, both intellectually as well as otherwise, and that's not an honor he's ever bestowed upon anyone else. Nor will he ever. Everyone else is an insect, compared to him, but Suresh? Mohinder's something more. A puzzle he can't solve and doesn't want to because, for once, the mystery is half the fun.
And since I seem to be leaving quotes at the end of these for some reason? The one you get is, "My heart will break before I cry. I will go mad," from the end of Haunted by Poe. That's wandering out into the snow to die, after you've lost the other half of yourself. Even if it was just an AU fic.
Re: ASverse.
But still, thank you for such in depth responses!
Re: ASverse.
For a man who's so flat emotionally, outwardly, he has pretty strong reactions to people. And there's really no neutral ground with him. He either loves absolutely or he hates absolutely, but there are so many reasons for it. So I just kind of brain dumped, when I did everyone's responses.
You're totally welcome, though. :D! *breaks in her LOL RAMONES OOC icon*