ooc: from everywhere, by now

[heroslayer]

Comment here to find out what Sylar really thinks of your character. The truth, I mean, not just what he'd tell you, and not just what he thinks he thinks.

[ Let me know if you have a verse preference. ]

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[heroslayer]

Once upon a time, on So You Think You Can Dance, they did one of the songs I think I sent you. The Dance by Charlotte Martin. It was just the chorus, but if you can find it on youtube? Watch it. Or don't watch it. Close your eyes and listen. Because the routine is done with staves, where the drumbeats should be, and the lead dancer screams a handful of times throughout the piece, adding to it, and that? That ... is your Mohinder and my Sylar.

Sylar loves him, I think that much is very clear by the fact that he managed to say it, if only once, and that sort of thing isn't usually in his nature. For the last, what, two years he's closed himself down. He can't afford to get close to people, because they will never, ever understand who he is and be able to look past it. He can't afford to because having people he cares about only gets him hurt, in the end. Chandra did it to him. Hell, even Mohinder did it to him at one point, because he was being almost genuine, beyond the whole, "WHAT? SYLAR? WHERE? OMG!" And then there was drugged tea and curare. And it's ... it's part of what being Sylar is, for him. It's a defense mechanism. He locks himself down and gives himself to the madness so he doesn't have to be vulnerable, like he was when he was Gabriel. So he can be someone who's important, where all Gabriel was, was weak.

And Mohinder has managed to push past that. To see him. If he believed in reincarnation, he'd probably say it was like two old souls that belonged together finally meeting up again. Squinting at each other, across the room, while everything else falls away, because both knows the other, but both can't understand why. Mohinder makes him weak and is his strength at the same time. And it burns worse than any torture he's ever known, and it gnaws at him more than the hunger ever could, and he wants to scream. To kill him. To end it, just so he can go back to being who he sees himself as again, but he wouldn't dare. He doesn't understand it, but he'd rather live with it then try and break it down and analyze it, for fear he might cheapen it. Which is a first for him in a very long time, even before being Sylar.

He also considers him a sort of equal. Even before the whole love thing entered the equation, Sylar was - is - facinated by his mind. He's the only person who's ever managed to stop him, without help. The only person who's managed to beat him through wits, rather than sheer force of numbers or strength of abilities. And that captivates the hell out of him. How does he do it? Why are they so evenly matched? It sort of aggitates him that he can't pin that one down, but like the love thing, he'd rather it be there as a constant, rather than lose the thrill of it by unraveling the mystery. It's ... Mohinder's the only person he would give that distinction to, really. Not even Peter, with all his abilities, gets to have that. Mohinder is the Sherlock to his Moriarty. And that's saying something.

Now, you ask, why are they less talking, more making out when they meet up? Because their time together is limited. Because in the moments they do steal together, he wants Suresh to know that he belongs to him, and that he cares about him, even if he can't voice it. And he thinks that the best way to do that is through physicality, because that's what he understands. That can't be argued. Actions speak louder than words and all. And if he's a little violent about it? All the better for it, so that Mohinder has cuts and bruises, so that he has something to remember him by. So that he can't forget him or cast him aside, like his father did. Forget him not.

And, in conclusion of this rant, I leave you with a quote from an old show that aired on Sci-Fi in the early 90s. Forever Knight. "If you love something, let it go. If I doesn't return? Hunt it down and kill it."

I hope this made half as much sense as it did in my head. :P

[capableof-both.livejournal.com]

Ok, even after sleep, I'm still processing all of that. :-D *hugs and loves*

Mohinder is still so very off balance and confused by it all. He wanted Zane, and didn't know why--and I think the old souls, connected, soulmates, belonging together--he'd probably buy pretty easily. The idea that despite everything they've done to each other, they're still drawn together, needing, as if the violence and the emotional ripping and torture even, were ways of expressing what they didn't have words to explain.

Now that Sylar's SAID he loves him, though, Mohinder's torn between awe and relief and that wonderful feeling of knowing the person you love loves you back, and "Oh, fuck, wth have I done?" Because Sylar killed his father, yes, but more than that, I think it's because of Molly. What's been done to him, he can forgive, choose to move beyond, but he feels like he's betraying the child he's taken as his own, and that rips at him with the divided loyalty. When it was to keep her safe? Being Sylar's friend, fucking him, letting him have what he wanted to keep her safe--he could rationalize. But he knows it is so so much more than that and that was just an excuse to make him feel okay about acting on his own feelings.

But Sylar's upped the stakes, putting the words out there, and the cold side of Mohinder, the one that drugged him, and would have executed him sitting tied and helpless, is all triumphant. And the side that loves him desperately is all overjoyed. And the side that loves Molly more than his own life is horrified at the overjoyed side. So he's this conflicted bundle of feelings and nerves, because he does love him, even though he tells himself he shouldn't. And he does want to be with him. And he misses him with a near physical hurt when he's not there. And he wants to tell people with that flush of joy that comes with newly discovered love, proclaiming it to everyone who will listen. And then he looks at Molly, and thinks what she's been through, and thinks he must be a horrible person for loving someone who could have killed her, would have, but for Matt.

But Sylar challenges him, emotionally and mentally, and talking to him--when they manage to stop kissing long enough to talk--is always a delight. He hopes the road trip was real, the talking, the sharing things, because he clings to that rather a lot. He genuinely enjoys just being with him, and, lately at least, feels safe--the only time he feels safe, I might add--when they're together, even when Sylar's being moody and violent and unpredictable. He still feels safe, and it's been so so long since he felt that--before Chandra even came to New York, I think, but most definitely since he found out he was killed. So--oddness there, too. It was his father's murder that hurled him into this very unsafe world, and his father's murderer who is the one to quiet his fears.

And, just to note--he cherishes each cut and bruise (even if the cherishing confuses the hell out of him). To be accepted, to be wanted, to be claimed--all the things he's never truly felt. Dude, Chandra fucked them both over so badly. *glares at him*

*loves the quote, giggles at it, and hopes that was at all coherent in return?*