rp for ellectric_girl: he that conceals grief finds no remedy for

[heroslayer]

In all honesty, Gabriel had no idea where Elle had gotten to, this time. All he knew is that she'd been sent away to take care of something, and he'd been left minding the house and their four-year-old. He couldn't say he wasn't slightly bitter about the fact that she wouldn't tell him where she was going--for so long, it had been him with the secrets, while he'd worked to quiet the hunger--but it wasn't something he resented her for. She had her obligations, just as he had his, and he never minded keeping an eye on their son, even if the boy ran him ragged six days out of seven.

Now though, sitting in his hotel room in Los Angeles, he was beginning to wish he'd asked. Maybe if he had, somehow none of this would have ever happened. It was a ridiculous notion, he knew--if he'd asked or she'd stayed, she'd probably be just as dead as Knox and Daphne and Noah, in his rage--but he couldn't let go of it. Maybe if he'd asked, he'd know just how long it was going to take her to get here, when every minute spent staring at the door was a minute more he had to wrestle with his grief and his hate for everything but her.

He sighed, reaching up to slide his fingers under his glasses to rub at the bridge of his nose in an attempt to calm himself down. He wasn't that impatient anymore. He could wait. He had to wait, because if he didn't? Well, maybe he wouldn't be here, when Elle arrived, and maybe Claire would be in little pieces at his feet, in retribution.

Comments

[welcometo-life.livejournal.com]

If there was one thing Elle had always hated about the job, it was the secrecy. They were always told it was for the safety of the Company and all it's employees. Really, she knew, it was to cover their own asses if something went wrong. But who was she to complain? She'd worked long and hard to get back in the Company's good graces, and she wasn't going to do anything to mess it up this time.

She'd been in the Austin office when someone called into her office telling her to turn on the tv. Every station was covering the "Devastation in California" (as one news source so elegantly put it). She knew, without needing to be told, what had happened. But it wasn't until she called Parkman that she found out the specifics. Of course. She'd heard they were making a move on Peter and it was a natural assumption that Daphne would be in on it.

As soon as she found out where Sylar was staying, she'd talked Angela into letting her take the private jet. Now here she stood in the hallway of this dingy little hotel, barely able to muster the courage to knock. It was with a heavy sigh, that she finally managed.

[heroslayer]

He'd heard her coming.

It was dangerous--for him, for her, for everyone--for him to keep using the gifts he'd stolen so long ago, but he'd needed to. He'd needed to be able to hear her coming, so that he could attempt to reforge himself as mild-mannered father figure, rather than man who had just turned part of California into a wasteland. Needed to hear her heart beat. Needed to use what he'd taken, because it was right--or so a small part of him whispered.

Maybe he was an idiot for giving in to the siren's call of the power he'd tried so desperately to hide, but right now, he wasn't strong enough to do any different.

Pushing the thought away, he stood up from where he'd been sulking on the bed, and moved towards the door even before she knocked. He could hear her standing there, hesitating, and while he didn't know why and didn't want to think about what it could mean, he gave her her moment, waiting to open the door until she was ready.

"Hey," he managed, lamely.

[welcometo-life.livejournal.com]

The truth was, Elle was afraid to see him. Not because of what he'd done, or who he was, but because of what she herself had failed to do. She'd been unable to protect her family.

Her entire body froze when she saw him on the other side of the door. He looked like a defeated version of the man she'd left in Costa Verde just a few days ago. Seeing him here, now, drove everything home for her. Noah was gone.

"Hi." She responded, voice weak, before collapsing against him. She'd always been raised to be strong, be tough. Now she could feel it all crumbling beneath her.

[heroslayer]

Automatically, his arms went around her waist, pulling her close.

While he wanted to say something--anything--to make it better, however, the words just wouldn't come. He'd gotten so good at finding them, since Noah, but apparently they had abandoned them as surely as their son had. And so, instead, he simply rested his head on top of hers, lightly, holding her.

They should probably go back into the room, he was sure, but he didn't want to move. Moving meant having to pull away from her. It meant that they'd be one step closer to the part where she left again, where, if only in his head, she went off to find Claire and didn't come back. Because that's how things worked--nothing every stayed with him for very long. Chandra. Mohinder. Noah. It was only natural that Elle come next, and he wanted no part of it.

[welcometo-life.livejournal.com]

It was all Elle could do to suppress the tears as he held her. She laid her head against his chest, wrapping her arms around his waist. She just needed to assure herself that he was really here.

Sylar might have lost everybody, but she'd never really had anyone. Her mother had died when she was just a little girl, and it had been years since Elle had been able to form a clear picture of her. Bob, well...he'd always been more of a boss than a father. Adam and Peter had both used her. One to make his incarceration a little more bearable, the other to escape. And now Noah. Innocent little Noah, who'd never hurt anybody...

"I'm sorry." The words were muffle against his chest, but she was sure he'd heard.

[heroslayer]

"It's not your fault," he assured her, one hand moving up to nest in her hair.

Really, it wasn't--if anyone was to blame here, it was him. He'd been the one who'd tried standing up to Claire and her lackies. He'd been the one that hadn't made absolutely certain Noah had run, before he'd set his heart on pursuing that course of action. He'd been the one who hadn't turned Peter away in the first place, when it was more than clear that misfortune followed his brother around like a stray cat, past or present.

And even beyond all that? The thing that was really niggling at the back of his mind, taunting him? The fact that, if he hadn't literally exploded in his anger, he might have been able to save their son. His blood healed, after all, from where he'd ripped Claire's power from her and made it his own, ages ago. If he hadn't been so furious, there might still be a body, a shred of hope that he could bring him back. Now there was only ashes.

[welcometo-life.livejournal.com]

"I should have been there." Of course she knew if Gabriel hadn't been able to stop them, there would have been nothing she could do. It didn't stop her from regretting ever leaving the house. She should have known Peter would be coming. Seemed like he always showed up to wreck things for her. Just when everything seemed to be fine.

Without pulling away from him, she lifted her head up. Just enough that she could look into his eyes. She knew he was in pain too. Worse than hers even, because he was blaming himself for Noah's death, and she knew it.

"Are you alright?"

[heroslayer]

"I'll be fine."

It was a lie, and he was fairly sure she could recognize it just as well as he used to be able to see through untruths, but what was he supposed to say? No, it hurts so bad I can barely breathe? Or how about no, for the first time in four years, I want to kill someone just to make it stop? He could make a list of all the stupid yet true answers he could give to that question, and none of them tasted any better on his lips than the lie had.

[welcometo-life.livejournal.com]

She nodded at this, but the frown etched on her face, brow furrowed, made it obvious she didn't believe him. He never had been that good at lying.

Without thinking about it, Elle pulled one of her arms from around his back. Laying her hand gently against his cheek.

"We're going to be fine. I'm....I'm gonna take care of Claire, and we'll be ok."

She only wish she could know that what she was saying was true. She hated lying to him anymore than she was required to for the job.

[heroslayer]

He turned his head into her hand, slowly, eyes fluttering closed. On any other day, he would have--had--never closed his eyes, intent on watching her from under his eyebrows, fascinated, but he couldn't bear to look at her now. Not when what she said seemed just as much a lie to him as what he'd spit out just a second earlier. And, worse yet, she actually sounded as though she truly believed she could stop Claire.

"Bullet to the back of the head," he murmured, nuzzling her fingertips, his face rough with stubble. Maybe that wasn't the most romantic thing he could have spit out, but he wanted so badly to help her, and he doubted she'd let him tag along. Not when she'd already turned down his offer to let loose on the former cheerleader, outright.

[welcometo-life.livejournal.com]

A sad smile crossed her face at this. Maybe the statement itself wasn't romantic, but the thought behind it was. She often went back and forth between being touched by his concern, and irritated by it. Right now, though, she appreciated it more than ever.

"Quick and easy." This time the words sounded false, even to her own ears. And then what? They put all this behind them? Just start over. Easier said than done, and that was all assuming Elle lived through the mission she'd assigned to herself. And no doubt, if she managed to kill precious little Claire, Angela would come gunning for her with a vengeance.

She couldn't think about that now, though. She needed to keep up what little confidence she had.

[heroslayer]

Gabriel hummed agreement, but beyond that, failed to give any sort of response. Claire would never let things be quick or easy, especially if she knew why Elle had come--and it wouldn't take a rocket scientist to figure out--and he knew Elle saw it, too. It was in the way her voice sounded. In her pulse. In a million things.

"I wish you'd let me come with you," he offered, finally. "I'd let you kill her, but ... I could help."

[welcometo-life.livejournal.com]

Without even stopping to consider it, Elle shook her head.

"I have to do this, Gabriel. After what she did...everything she's done...She's my responsibility now." Her eyes were pleading when she looked up at him. Desperate for him to understand. She was doing this as much for them as she was for herself.

Of course she was scared. Hard not to be afraid of the girl who was all but impossible to kill, when she herself was as fragile as anybody else.

"You didn't see this, did you? Didn't paint this?" A sudden curiosity had overwhelmed her. Had he seen something? Did he already know what would happen?

[heroslayer]

"I painted ... " He opened his eyes here, a frown marking the space above them with creases.

He hadn't painted--hadn't used any of his powers--in so long. But then Peter had swept in with his oh-so-catchable hysteria and handed him the brush and all but made him. He didn't understand what the picture that had come out had meant, beyond the obvious implication that the world, sundered, wasn't a good thing. He still didn't understand it now, but it frightened him.

"Peter made me," Gabriel admitted. "It wasn't about you, though. Or about Noah." He had to pause to take a deep breath, rage and horror both needling in his chest at the mention of the boy's name. Then, slowly, he added, "It was of the world. It was in ruins."

[welcometo-life.livejournal.com]

Both with the name, and the way he said it, Elle felt something rip inside her. She hated that she wasn't there when it all happened. Hated even more that she'd never really said goodbye to Noah. He'd been asleep when she had to leave, and she'd made due with a soft kiss on his forehead.

Finally, she pulled back from Gabriel. Moving to take a seat on the edge of the bed. Peter had brought all of this on them. Made Gabriel use his power again, which she knew could so easily wake up that hunger he'd long been supressing. Brought Claire and her team to Costa Verde.

"Do you know when?" For the first time since she'd heard the news, she was unable to hide her fear.

[heroslayer]

He shook his head, moving to slump down on the bed next to her, the door closing itself. Or well, he had closed the door, but all without touching it--something he'd done perhaps only once in all the time they'd been together.

"I do, no," said as if the head shake hadn't been enough. "Last time I painted something, it was--it happened within a few days." The last time he'd painted something had been Kirby Plaza.

[welcometo-life.livejournal.com]

So lost in her thoughts was Elle, that she barely even noticed the door closing itself. If she had, she'd have said something to him. Told him he nodded to stop before the hunger returned.

As it was, all she could do was nod. Her head was down, staring at her lap where she proceeded to twirl her wedding band around on her finger.

"What can we do to stop it?"

[heroslayer]

"I don't know." He made a face, narrowly resisting the urge to rub at the bridge of his nose again, as had become habit when he was stressed. "Peter, he ... the one that came, it was a younger version of him. I guess the Peter we knew went back in time to try and fix this and couldn't, and so he brought a past version of himself here, to see how bad things had gotten. So he could understand and stop it, when he got home."

He hoped that made sense; even with his innate understanding of things, the whole scenario was a bit of a mess to get his head around. And, worse yet, "He came for my ability, Elle. I guess our Peter told his younger self he needed it, to fix things, but ... It's not that I don't trust Peter--either of them--it's that I don't trust the price that comes with my power. I was a watchmaker. What I could do made me a murderer."

Slowly, Gabriel raised his eyes from where he'd been staring at the floor to look at his wife. "What will it do to him?"

[welcometo-life.livejournal.com]

Elle shook her head at this. Life had by no means been perfect, but they'd been doing fine. How had everything managed to come crumbling down around them, and so suddenly?

"They already call him a terrorist. Now he'll be a monster too. I know he was trying to change things....save the world....but he went about it all wrong. You can't just go to the past and start over. That's not how it works."

Her chest felt heavy, and she knew it was because she hadn't yet allowed herself to cry, but now wasn't the time. She canted her head up to look at him.

"Gabriel, he's....the Peter we knew? He's dead."

[heroslayer]

"I know." God, he knew, and that news had stung worse than that fact that the Peter of the past had referred to him as Sylar, rather than Gabriel. "He told me--the Peter from the past--when he showed up at the house. He said they killed him." Who, exactly, they was an allusion to needed no clarification.

He was silent for a long time following, fingers reaching up to hook under the edges of his frames to pull them off his face. He turned them around in his hands, slowly, examining them from all angles idly, no real point or purpose to the gesture beyond giving himself something to fidget with. And when he finally did start again, he was still at it.

"He was always so much like me--two sides of the same coin. I was a monster, he was the hero. When I was taken in by the Company, reformed, he ended up a terrorist. It's always been that way." Silence again, as he tried to decide how to word what he was getting at, and then, "It's ... depending on when he's from. What he's seen. Who I am, in contrast to him. Maybe he'll be able to control it better than I could.

"Maybe ... "

[welcometo-life.livejournal.com]

Elle silently watched him playing with his glasses. Something to do the same way her repeatedly spinning her ring was. She'd felt so useless ever since she'd gotten the news, she just needed something to do with her hands. Something to stop her blasting everything in sight.

Slowly, she reached a hand out to him, laying it on top of his. As much for the contact as to still his movements.

"Maybe he will be able to control it, but it's going to take time. Who knows how long it'll take him, or how long we have left?"

[heroslayer]

"How long we have left," he echoed.

Gabriel hadn't thought of that. All his ability to see how things fit together, and he hadn't paused to think what would happen if Peter really did succeeded in changing the past. What if Noah never existed? What if he'd never ended up with Elle in the first place? There were so many what-ifs, and none of them seemed all that pleasant, even if a few of them somehow magically spared their son the fate he'd been handed.

He frowned, setting his glasses down so that he could turn his hand under hers, twining their fingers together. "You know I love you, don't you?" Somehow, it suddenly seemed absoultely necessary that she knew.

[welcometo-life.livejournal.com]

Elle squeezed her eyes shut tightly. Him being so sweet even after everything he'd been through that day, after everything they'd been through together, only made it harder for her to hold back the tears. She tightened her grip on his hand, nodding.

"I love you too." The words came out choked and whispered, and she only hoped he knew that she meant them.

Part of her knew if she was going to go after Claire she should leave as soon as possible, but she couldn't make herself stand up.

[heroslayer]

"I know," said as if he could sense her unease--her hope that he understood that she meant it.

He put his free hand to her cheek, thumb stroking skin gently for a moment. Then his fingers were dancing along her jaw, stopping under her chin so he could tilt her head up, carefully. And, with equal care, he leaned in to kiss her. There. Now she would know just how much he understood, and how much he returned the depth of affection.

[welcometo-life.livejournal.com]

Elle returned the kiss softly for a moment, before pulling away. She dropped her head, cradling it in the palms of her hands. For just a moment, she considered going to find Hiro. Making him take her back so she could stop what had happened herself. Mayvbe even take out Claire in the process. But you couldn't keep messing with the past. Peter was a perfect warning to that effect.

"Do you know where she is?" She didn't look up to speak, and because of this her words were muffled, though she was sure he could hear her perfectly.

[heroslayer]

He shook his head.

"I don't. She ... " Should be a greasy mess on what little remained of the floor of their kitchen, but they weren't that lucky. She'd survived just as surely as he had. "She's probably made it out of Costa Verde, by now."

[welcometo-life.livejournal.com]

Elle nodded slowly, lifting her head just enough to look at him. "On her way back to New York, I'm sure." Of course that's where she was going. That's where her team was based out of. Was being the keyword, seeing as the former cheerleader was the only surviving member.

She hated asking him for favors. Especially when it involved using his powers in anyway, knowing how dangerous it was for him, but she needed to know.

"Can you...see? What's going to happen?"

[heroslayer]

He managed to avoid twitching--amazing considering the hum that raced through him at just the thought of using his powers. And that feeling, to know what slept beneath the surface of his skin, and the fact that he'd used so many stolen abilities in the course of the last few hours made him all to eager to agree. The killer in him was trying to stretch his legs, even if he didn't recognize it, blinded by the day.

"I can try," he said, standing up to go retrieve the pad and pen that awaited him on the desk. It was crude--he'd much rather be painting--but it would serve. And, in a moment of struggling sanity, he added, "Just ... don't watch me."

[welcometo-life.livejournal.com]

Reluctantly, Elle agreed with a nod of her head. She'd seen it before, had even seen Isaac Mendez do it before his death, but Gabriel hated for either her or Noah to see it, so she would comply.

She paced anxiously. Small, tight circles in a corner of the room. Keeping her head down. It was harder than she thought it would be to stop herself from looking.

[heroslayer]

He waited until she had looked away to pick the power out of his repertoire, sucking in a sharp breath through his teeth, his eyelids fluttering closed. When he opened them a moment later, his eyes had been bleached start white, blind to the mundane world while he looked upon things far greater. And like a man possessed, he put pen to paper, what only he could see springing to life on his impromptu canvas in comic book detail.

Kirby Plaza--why was it always Kirby Plaza?--and in the middle of it? Claire at one end, all leather and ponytails and gun drawn. And Elle at the other, a gun of her own in one hand, a ball of living electricity in the other. Neither of them looked happy--more like they were having an argument, unsurprisingly--his wife on the verge of furious tears and the former cheerleader's lips pulled back in a furious sneer.

Beyond that, though, the sketch was relatively useless. He knew where they would have their Mexican Showdown now, but not the outcome, and as he came down from his power, he all but sneered at the page. "This doesn't help."

And he felt more on edge than ever.

[welcometo-life.livejournal.com]

The moment he said he was done Elle was at his shoulder studying the picture. She was in complete agreement with him, though she would never say it. She'd hoped for more on the outcome. Was confronting Claire one of the stupider ideas she'd ever had? Was it going to get her killed?

Even so, she lay a hand comfortingly on Gabriel's shoulder, not quite sure what else to do.

"It's fine. At least I know where I'm going now, right?" She tried to smile. To make light of the entire situation, but even without looking in a mirror she could tell it wasn't coming out right.


ooc:Sorry it took so long! Haven't been able to get motivated lately.

[heroslayer]

"I guess."

It took an amazing amount of willpower not to rip the picture into a million tiny pieces. And it was an equal effort to just set the pen and pad aside and reach to put his hand on top of hers.

He looked up at her slowly, and tried to mirror the smile. Tried, and mostly failed. "Just--I don't know. Borrow a bullet proof vest from someone. Or something."

At least then, she wouldn't have to worry about Claire's damn gun.

(ooc: It's cool. And sorry I took forever, too--this week has been kinda hellish for me.)

[welcometo-life.livejournal.com]

She gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze, hoping it came off reassuring and not desperate, which is how it felt to her. She knew a bulletproof vest wouldn't be worth a damn if Claire decided to kill her. One bullet in the head is all it would take. She would never say that to him, though. He was upset enough, and she knew he blamed himself for what happened to Noah.

"It's a good idea."

Reluctant to pull her hand away from him, she finally did, taking a step closer to the door.

"You'll be alright, though. They're not going to come after you, even with the explosion." She would make sure of it.

[heroslayer]

He knew that a bulletproof vest wouldn't do much either, but it would at least, possibly, give her a chance. If Claire didn't expect it--didn't see it coming--maybe she wouldn't start with a headshot. Maybe she'd just shoot at Elle's torso, and while it would hurt he was sure, it would at least spare her life. Give her a second chance. And maybe, just maybe, give her a leg up on Claire, if the cheerleader thought she'd killed her with a single, well-placed shot.

Regardless of his hope, however, he didn't want her going. And as such, he watched her head to the door with all the enthusiasm of a kicked puppy, ignoring the idea that he wouldn't be blamed for the explosion. That didn't matter. Nothing mattered right now, except for her, and as such, he asked, "You're going now?"

[welcometo-life.livejournal.com]

She could hardly bear to look at him now, afraid that anything he might do or say at this point would stop her from going. Not that this was a trip she was particularly looking forward to. She was dreading it, in fact. Fearing the worst as she was becoming more common for her these days. No, this was something she had to do. For herself as much as for Gabriel and Noah. She couldn't just let the former cheerleader get away with what had happened.

"The sooner the better, I guess." The words were empty, no real feeling behind them at all, and she swallowed hard. Of course she'd like to take him up on his earlier offer. Deal with Claire together, but Elle couldn't rid herself of the feeling that this was something she had to do alone.

[heroslayer]

"I could ... " Could what? Go with her? Protect her? Blow up New York in a rage, while he was at it? The sketch hadn't shown it that way, so clearly he wasn't meant to be there with her, no matter how much he wanted to be.

He sighed, reaching up to pinch at the bridge of his nose from under his glasses, and then held a hand out, reaching for her at a distance. "Come here. Please. Before you leave."

He tugged at her wrist lightly--telekinetically--without meaning to.

[welcometo-life.livejournal.com]

She couldn't help the slight surge of fear that rose up as she felt the pull on her arm. He'd been so careful about using his powers, until today. Until Peter, Knox, Daphne, and Claire had shown up in their home, blowing apart their carefull constructed life. And yes, she'd felt bad asking him to use Isaac's ability to see what would happen to her, but this was different.

Hesitantly, she took a step towards him, smiling weakly down at him. Hoping her eyes didn't betray the fear she felt. Not just of him, but of what she was about to walk into.

Sorry it took so long. RL sucks sometimes.

[heroslayer]

It wasn't her eyes that betrayed her, nor the fact that she could barely manage a smile--it was the fact that suddenly, as his enhanced hearing came back to him, he could hear her heart fluttering in her chest. Immediately he frowned. He'd asked her over here so that he could kiss her good-bye, sick feeling in his own heart sure that it would be the last time, as everything he loved got taken from him in the end, but now?

Now, he couldn't help but spit out, "You're afraid of me," even as he reached further to trace his fingers over her arm.


(ooc: It's totally cool. :) Tags with me are always at your leisure, so!)

[welcometo-life.livejournal.com]

Her eyes widened at this. There was more anger in his words than she'd heard in a while. She managed to attempt pulling away from him, though. Knowing even if she tried she wouldn't be able to.

"No. No, it's not that. I'm..." She tried to think fast. "I'm afraid of what you used to be."

[heroslayer]

He couldn't tell whether or not that was a lie, power tarnished under disuse, and he decided that it was better that he didn't know. If he did--if she was lying--he might not be able to control himself. It was getting hard again, like one of the bad days where he kept to himself, and he blamed this on Noah's death and the hopelessness of the situation. That was the next step in the grief process, after all, wasn't it? Rage? Denial? Something?

He sighed, trying to banish the feeling, and offered her an apologetic look. "I'm sorry. It's ... I don't know. I'm sorry."

[welcometo-life.livejournal.com]

"Don't be." She turned her arm slightly in his grasp, so she could pull him to his feet. She raised her head to look at him, face and voice completely sincere now. "I just worry about it happening again. About you turning into that..." She didn't want to say the word monster, even if it was the most apt, for fear of doing any more damage.

"I love you." She said finally, the words coming out hushed.

[heroslayer]

"I'll be fine," he promised her, even if the words were, quite possibly, a lie. It helped that she told him she loved him, however--probably more than she'd ever know or understand. "I love you, too, Elle."

And to prove as much, he moved his hand from her arm up into her hair, hoping to guide her into a kiss.

[welcometo-life.livejournal.com]

She could hear it in his voice. Even he didn't believe it. She would just have to believe it enough for the both of them.

She allowed him to pull her up for a kiss, though she had to rise to onto her toes to do it. One hand still grasping his arm, the free hand rose up, laying gently against his cheek.

[heroslayer]

He sighed, this time the sound almost content, shoulders sinking as tension bled from him, at least in part. But as much as he wanted this moment to last forever, he knew it could, and all too soon, he was pulling away, forehead against hers, eyes closed. "If ... " He stopped short, took a moment to gather a measure of moral fortitude, and then tried again. "If you're going to go, you should go now."

[welcometo-life.livejournal.com]

Elle, too, kept her eyes shut as he rested his forehead against hers. Her hand still on his cheek, her thumb was brushing lazily over the skin there. She swallowed hard before nodding, her eyes opening slowly as she finally pulled back from him, but not before laying on last, quick kiss on his lips.

"I'll be back as soon as I can, I promise." Though she knew the promise wasn't really hers to keep. She would do what she needed to do, and hope everything worked out ok.

She let her hand trail down his arm, giving his hand a gently squeeze, before dropping it, moving towards the door with her head down.

[heroslayer]

Gabriel squeezed back, gesture meant to reassure him as much as it was for her, and then as she headed for the door, he sunk back onto the bed. He couldn't trust his knees to support him as she walked out, after all, and he couldn't bear to watch her go, eyes intently focused on something more interesting in the floor. And as the door opened, he mumbled a quiet, "Come back safe."

[welcometo-life.livejournal.com]

Standing in the doorway, she glanced back at him. Slumped on the bed, eyes on the floor. He looked so helpless, and she hated to see him like this. Hated that she was the reason for it. She heard the whispered, "Come back safe" and nodded in response, though he couldn't see it.

And then she was out the door, closing it softly behind her. She paused in the hallway, leaning against the wall. She wasn't ready for this, would never be ready for this, but she knew he was right. If she was going to go, it had to be now. Any longer and she couldn't force herself to get on the plane.

Looking back over her shoulder at the door she'd just come through, she whispered, "I love you" once more, and then she strode off.